Release

Before coming to South western Pennsylvania, I had been traveling the country. Many beautiful experiences. Elders and Medicine People. I have never had a traditional home or family. Many siblings, but no family. But these are stories for another time. During this period of constant traveling, I began my journey as a Sundancer. Something I fought tooth and nail before winding up at the Tree of Life, wondering how the hell I got there. Let me share with you what was shared with me.

I had been in middle Tennessee, at a gathering of relatives from around the country. Not blood relatives mind you. Indian Country has a saying, coming from the Lakota. We are all related. These are the relatives I speak of. For three days we gathered together in prayer and ceremony. A yuwipi man had come from Pine Ridge. This would be my first yuwipi and the friend who's yard I was camping in would be singing. Jokingly we often referred to him as a Lakota jukebox. Seemed he knew every song and then some. The basement of our host had been set up, and as many as could crowded in. Windows blackened, the door sealed. In total darkness the yuwipi man lay upon the altar he was given responsibility for. The singing began and the Ancestors came. Half the time I tried to convince myself what I was seeing was real. The other half denying it. Lights flashing, creatures in the dark moving about. Exclamations for those assembled who were being touched. It was an awe inspiring ceremony.

When the final day passed and all had collected their belongings, each departed to where they had come from. Not having anywhere to go home to, I moved on to the next ceremony. A healing ceremony was taking place on the Boundary. Qualla, the Eastern home of the Cherokee People. A healer had come down from Rosebud. An invitation was extended and I accepted. Hell, didn’t have anywhere else to go, and Qualla was close, only a few hours drive down the highway.

In my travels I had attended other ceremonies. I supported at Sundance, witnessed what these men were suffering through. I had experienced the power that emanates from the circle. But there was no way in hell I was doing it. I'm a cripple for gods sake, can barely walk, and I sure as hell ain’t going to make one day amongst these men, so willing to lay down their lives for the People. Such courage and strength. A young man, pierced through the back, hanging in the tree. Eagle fans in each hand, dancing! Dancing on the air, smiling and laughing. Those eagle wings flying him to someplace only he could see. My heart simply burst. Where does one find the courage, the strength to give so much?

The ceremony at Qualla was being held for a Elder woman who was sick with cancer, and she didn’t have long to live in this world. Soon she would be going home, to her Ancestors who were waiting. We prayed, all of us together, more I believe for those who would be left behind. In the lodge medicine was passed of which we all were invited to partake. It was in this lodge, during the third round, came my initiation to Sundance. The lodge suddenly expanded to include the entire universe, and I was no longer there.

I found myself standing in the Sundance circle. Dancing in the South, pierced through the back. Singers had begun the water song. I could feel my pulse beating in unison. Dressed all in black, with a mask upon my face. My relatives under the dance arbor shade, standing, singing for me as my feet gently tapped a a two step rhythm on mother earth. In moments I returned. To the healing lodge, the prayers offered from love and compassion. Visions had been brought to me previously, so I was well aware of what had just happened. But Sundance? Oh no. And what was with this all in black thing? What was with the mask? I spent a few years, searching for answers to those questions, and many others. Many medicine people counseled me, but every time I got to the part of me in black with a mask, the conversation ended. The Elder I was with would turn cold as winter stone. Some actually walked away from me. Others refused to speak with me anymore. Well, ain’t this lovely. I'm shown this thing, have no understanding of it, and no one is telling me squat. Add to that Sundance. No way. That simply wasn’t happening.

Well, it did happen. In time I did dance that vision. Exactly the way it was shown. In time, much was explained, although there is still much much more I don’t know. I have learned, when I am able to handle it, when my mind has the ability to comprehend it, the understanding will come. Patience was not an easy lesson for me to learn. It usually takes a busload of pain before I finally get it. But I am getting it.

Today I live with another vision. A vision of us, the lost and forgotten, the unknown coming together as one. A vision of us unified, under The Buffalo Boy Foundation, dancing for all our relatives. Joining together all our strength, our courage and banishing forever this idea of individuality. Fulfilling a vision of all Nations joining together under the Tree of Life, where we can be again the once magnificent People we always have been. Pierced through our hearts this agony of separation. Its time to break my relatives. Four times to the tree. Now walk with me. Feel the ropes tug gently and allow them to release you. Into a new dawn, a new beginning, fulfilling the promise of the Seventh Generation. Break my relatives, break. I will catch you.